We've all heard the literary critics over the last several years harp about the infamous Twilight Saga book series by author Stephanie Meyer. "They're manipulative!" "They're exploitive!" "They twist the minds of our generation!" Well, dear friends. If you thought that the author was a megalomaniac, you clearly haven't met the writers for the film adaptations. Oh good heavens, have we reached the pinnacle of this soul-corrupting mountain!
Now that our "protagonist" Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) has been fully inducted into her husband Edward Cullen's (Robert Pattinson) blood drinking cult, she discovers that membership was a two for one special. Yes, their offspring Renesmee (Mackenzie Foy) is a human/vampire hybrid, which the evil vampires called the Volturi (yes, I'm sure you're also trying to discern just who truly are the evil vampires in this film) declare an abomination that must be put to death. Thus begins the vampire convention, where the Volturi and the Cullen family mass together allies on both sides to prepare for war. Normally, this is where you should feel some dramatic tension for our heroes. Except that in this film, any attempt to make a human connection with the audience is severed to the point where Bella wants to stay as far away from her human friends and family as possible once she's joined the popular crowd in the metaphorical schoolyard of mankind. It's one thing for Twilight's characters to be melodramatic, which they have done a spectacularly hilarious job in the series thus far, and then there's begging the question "What idiots would make decisions like these people? Can they not think one thing through logically instead of just leaping into their passions? Can they now, facing war of all things, show any responsibility or remorse for their actions?" Of course not, Twilight is above such expectations.
Once again this movie just can't resist awkwardly shoving Bella and Edward into the spotlight when for the first time, the main events don't actually involve them; they circle around their daughter! A character of supposed importance who can't be in the movie for more than thirty minutes.
Even when this movie goes into creative liberties with the source material, it just ends up being one giant kick to the gonads by the end. You will fall into this trap so easily as many a teenage girl already has, only to feel almost literal whiplash by the time the credits roll. Any investment in this parade of filler characters and is utterly pointless, as you will painfully discover by the story's end. This is Twilight's grand finale, and it went the extra mile just to screw with your heart one last time.
