Every holiday season I seem to go into a little rant about St. Nick. Well there's a simple explanation to that: the man's old, terrifying and he'd eat you if he had the chance.
Don't believe me? Well then let's review a Santa Claus movie that left kids creeped out at ol' Kris Kringle himself. No, I'm not talking about Silent Night, Deadly Night. That would just be spelling the truth out for you...also it's the fact that the killer isn't really Santa Claus. No, I'm talking about another movie. A movie so vile, so disturbing, that it's very name is remembered LONG after by those poor souls who endure it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
Kind of a generic title...
Yeah, you probably know this movie from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. That's how I first heard of it too. It's a Mexican film from the 1950s about Santa Claus trying to prevent a demon named Pitch from corrupting the spirit of Christmas. Yeah guys, it's Father Christmas vs the powers of hell...
And clearly the Devil really needs to put his staff to work harder, because if this is the best Hell can offer, then I wouldn't be surprised if the Antichrist was one of the Three Stooges! Pitch can summon fire at will, teleport wherever he pleases and make random weapons appear out of thin air, and what does he do to try and stop Santa? He just chews the scenery or takes a page from Kevin McCallister's Art of War instead of confronting the guy directly!
And see, this kind of threw me off from the start. I mean, wouldn't Satan WANT Santa Claus to have a bigger image over Christmas in comparison to his ARCHENEMY? And while we're on the subject, I'm not so sure that Santa really is on the good side of this fight. We hear Satan's voice, but we never see his face, and his voice sounded an awful lot like another man in red who's just one misplaced letter away from having an identical name.
And of course this brings us to our next point about Santa Claus, the fact that he is FRIGGIN' creepy! The man lives in outer space (I knew it) has slave children from all over the world working with him (especially those modeling racial stereotypes) and he's got a laugh to him that rivals that of a mad scientist! The guy they picked for the English dubbing just doesn't give kids the image you want about Santa...
To make things even more disturbing, Santa Claus pumps drugs into people. He has this powder that lets him knock kids out and gives parents this magic cocktail that makes random memories pop into their heads. And that's just what he carries around with him. Up in his space palace (yeah, you heard me) Santa's got toy reindeer with a laugh freakier than him and technology that lets him see into people's dreams.
Oh yeah, Santa Claus also has the power to make babies. I wonder how Mrs. Claus approves of that one...
The budget is not very flexible with this film. Granted the sets are nice, but the props, special effects and costumes are PRETTY fake. I've seen more convincing pointy ears at Trekkie conventions...
This entire movie just as a weird vibe to its atmosphere. We got Santa in space, he's fighting the Devil, there's songs to the movie that are so rushed you can't understand them and...Santa Claus hangs out with Merlin the Wizard! Who apparently is senile and quite possibly suffering from heavy constapation!
The only element I can say I enjoyed even a little bit from the movie was the story revolving around a little girl named Popita who desperately wants a doll for Christmas. It's got a very optimistic message to it that touches your heart and really brings out the spirit of the holidays. Unlike the rest of this movie, which frankly is so caught up in its own bizarre nature that doesn't really have a message to it other than lock your doors and light the chimney, Santa Claus is coming to town!
The 1959 movie Santa Claus has developed a cult following to it, specifically because it's so weird. The movie's gonna creep out any little kid that watches it and there's seldom a parent that's gonna let their child watch a movie that contains a dance number in the bowels of Hell anyway. If you're in the mood to see something strange, and I mean REALLLY strange this Christmas, go check it out. You won't get a holiday message, but you'll probably have a mind trip that not even life threatening narcotics could provide!
Yeah, you probably know this movie from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. That's how I first heard of it too. It's a Mexican film from the 1950s about Santa Claus trying to prevent a demon named Pitch from corrupting the spirit of Christmas. Yeah guys, it's Father Christmas vs the powers of hell...
And clearly the Devil really needs to put his staff to work harder, because if this is the best Hell can offer, then I wouldn't be surprised if the Antichrist was one of the Three Stooges! Pitch can summon fire at will, teleport wherever he pleases and make random weapons appear out of thin air, and what does he do to try and stop Santa? He just chews the scenery or takes a page from Kevin McCallister's Art of War instead of confronting the guy directly!
And see, this kind of threw me off from the start. I mean, wouldn't Satan WANT Santa Claus to have a bigger image over Christmas in comparison to his ARCHENEMY? And while we're on the subject, I'm not so sure that Santa really is on the good side of this fight. We hear Satan's voice, but we never see his face, and his voice sounded an awful lot like another man in red who's just one misplaced letter away from having an identical name.
And of course this brings us to our next point about Santa Claus, the fact that he is FRIGGIN' creepy! The man lives in outer space (I knew it) has slave children from all over the world working with him (especially those modeling racial stereotypes) and he's got a laugh to him that rivals that of a mad scientist! The guy they picked for the English dubbing just doesn't give kids the image you want about Santa...
To make things even more disturbing, Santa Claus pumps drugs into people. He has this powder that lets him knock kids out and gives parents this magic cocktail that makes random memories pop into their heads. And that's just what he carries around with him. Up in his space palace (yeah, you heard me) Santa's got toy reindeer with a laugh freakier than him and technology that lets him see into people's dreams.
Oh yeah, Santa Claus also has the power to make babies. I wonder how Mrs. Claus approves of that one...
The budget is not very flexible with this film. Granted the sets are nice, but the props, special effects and costumes are PRETTY fake. I've seen more convincing pointy ears at Trekkie conventions...
This entire movie just as a weird vibe to its atmosphere. We got Santa in space, he's fighting the Devil, there's songs to the movie that are so rushed you can't understand them and...Santa Claus hangs out with Merlin the Wizard! Who apparently is senile and quite possibly suffering from heavy constapation!
The only element I can say I enjoyed even a little bit from the movie was the story revolving around a little girl named Popita who desperately wants a doll for Christmas. It's got a very optimistic message to it that touches your heart and really brings out the spirit of the holidays. Unlike the rest of this movie, which frankly is so caught up in its own bizarre nature that doesn't really have a message to it other than lock your doors and light the chimney, Santa Claus is coming to town!
The 1959 movie Santa Claus has developed a cult following to it, specifically because it's so weird. The movie's gonna creep out any little kid that watches it and there's seldom a parent that's gonna let their child watch a movie that contains a dance number in the bowels of Hell anyway. If you're in the mood to see something strange, and I mean REALLLY strange this Christmas, go check it out. You won't get a holiday message, but you'll probably have a mind trip that not even life threatening narcotics could provide!
-Braydon K
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